Punch Lines
Printed with permission from www.Gigglepedia.com
- Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
- Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
- Don’t drive as if you own the road, drive as if you own the car.
- No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
- Families are like fudge… mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
- Knowledge is knowing that tomatoes are fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put them in a fruit salad.
- Never argue with an idiot, because they’ll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
- When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
- My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t.
- Ham and eggs. A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
- If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
- Borrow money from a pessimist, they don’t expect it back.
- Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
- Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
- Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.
- The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
- Drive carefully, it’s not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
- There are two kinds of people in life: people who like their jobs, and people who don’t work here anymore.
